How not to get hired in 9 steps

There are a lot of articles that will give you advice on how to get hired. But we decided to write something different. Something that can make you laugh. So here it is.  9 tips on how not to get hired by us. Based on a true story – sometimes many true stories. Written by our lovely HR.

If you don’t want to get a job try to …

  1. Forget to greet me.
    You are not here to make friends, you want to get a job. So let’s get down to business right here, right now. No time for “Hi” or “Hello”.
  2. Write “I need money” or “I need a job” only.
    Because the other applicants clearly don’t need job or money. They do it for pleasure only.
  3. Ask “Do you love me?”.
    I feel your pain. Finding a true love is hard, but one small tip – you won’t find a true love in HR department. No matter what position they are hiring for.
  4. Send your phone number with “call me” request.
    You just read some juicy erotic story or watched some hot video filled with sex and you want to talk about it. Well, our job portal is not the place to do so. I don’t call anyone unless they enter the last round of interview.
  5. Write that you want to be a Porn star.
    You’ve seen it all. You think you can do better than them. You want to be a star, Porn star. Unfortunately, we can’t help you with that. We don’t shoot movies. You need to try your luck somewhere else.
  6. Ask for sex.
    I know you are “hurny boy” or “sexy & yang boy” and that you want to “to fuck sexy girls,& ladies”. But all I want to know is if you can use those 10 fingers to type on the keyboard without looking. What you can do with them outside this area – I am not interested. But I know the place where you can talk freely about sex. Try our sex chat. The girls there are great, trust me 😉
  7. Send a selfie instead of a screening task.
    I know you are a handsome guy and it is interesting to see different backgrounds and styles but your face says nothing about your writing skills.
  8. Send a dick pic instead of your screening task.
    This one is the best. I mean it is not like I work for porn sites where I see a lot of cocks daily. Chances are, yours is not the best one I’ve seen that day. Also, how is a picture of your love tool going to tell me if you know WordPress well, is a mystery.
    If you still feel like sending me a dick pic, at least make an effort creating one – here is an article that can help you make one.
  9. Send a random picture from the internet.
    I still daydream about that water scene from Dard-E-Disco but I really don’t think Shahrukh is interested in working for us, sadly 😢 So attaching his picture to your application won’t get you to the second round.

Do you want to test your newly acquired skills? Visit our job portal, apply for a job and wait for the result.

Good luck

❤️ Shagmi